This Thanksgiving I'm Thankful for You!

Many of you have read The Successful Single Mom book (and some of the other books in the series), but this week I want to offer you the opportunity to read any of the books in the series for FREE

If you're interested in any of the following books, all we ask is that you write an honest review on Amazon and we will send you a free electronic copy. 

Why Married Moms Don't Understand Single Moms

It has been 13 years since I became a single mom. Every other mom I knew at that time, and for most of the next many years, was a married mom. While I cross paths with single moms all the time, they usually weren't in my personal network. It wasn't until about three or four years ago that my personal friends and people I knew socially started to become single moms.

But just this year, two of my closest girlfriends became single moms. These same gals were close friends of mine as I was separating from my daughter's father and going through my divorce.

I've gotten two calls, one from each of them, and they were both almost exactly the same. I had no idea what you were going through. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive. This totally sucks, why didn't I know?

Sunlight or Oncoming Train?

The time between your “Oh Shit Day” and “the Day the Sun Comes Out Again,” is what I like to call The Tunnel. It’s the period of time when you aren’t sure if you’re going to make it … to the end of the week, month, or through the day at all. It sure was dark in there. I didn’t laugh very much and I sure as hell didn’t think I would be able to raise a happy child or fall in love and re-marry. I thought the darkness was going to last forever.

Single Mama, you may feel extreme self pity right now, and along the lines of "What was I thinking?" I know you don't regret the beautiful child you and your ex created, but this time in your life is pretty hard. And I get it. Your Tunnel may look like an oncoming train right now, but the sunlight is coming, I promise! 

My tunnel was filled with lots of words I am not fond of: depression, despair, loneliness, sadness, frustration, fear, anxiety. I remember many weekends lying on the couch and thinking to myself that if I took another nap and got another night’s rest (consisting of 10-12 hours or more), I would wake up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Monday morning, ready to do what I needed to do to keep my businesses going, my ass small, and my bank account full.

New Boyfriend, No Problem!

A question I hear a lot is: When is the right time to introduce your boyfriend to your kids? The only person who can truly answer this question is you. I’m not an expert, but as you can imagine, I relied on an expert {therapist} when introducing my daughter to the man who would become my husband. Although I did this, it doesn't have to work that way for you. So here are a few things I learned from our expert, personal experience and other single moms.

An obvious first step, in my mind, is to allow your kids to view you as a social being. While they’re with their dad or at Grandma’s, you’re out doing things you enjoy doing, right? When they come home, ask them to tell you about their time away from you. Then use that time as an opportunity to share what you’ve been up to.

Once you feel you've chosen a great mate and you're ready to move on to the next step, there are several things you can do.
  • Invite him for a low-key dinner at your home.
  • Have dinner together at a kid-friendly restaurant and make sure to let them have dessert at his request.
  • Have him come over for an evening to watch cartoons or play video games. If he has kids, invite everyone. The more, the merrier.
  • Take a trip to the zoo or some other favorite kid hangout.

The Past Does NOT Have to Predict Your Future

Single moms face challenges many other moms and dads don't. Between managing work and home, financial commitments and extracurricular activities, a single mom's work - alone - is never done. 

Most single moms also experience a dramatic decrease in their standard of living after a divorce or separation.

The good news: that doesn’t have to be your story. It might be for a time or even right now, depending upon your circumstances. Whether you’ve been divorced for a minute or even many years, if you’re still struggling it is understandable that you are still having a hard time. It’s even expected! Single moms haven’t had a stigma for the past fifty years for nothing!

Your past and present don’t necessarily predict your future, but they do shape it. We do make decisions based on our points of reference. In fact, many of our actions are automatic because of them! This means that what we saw our parents do and believe around wealth and money, we tend to do ourselves. If our parents believed there was always plenty to go around, we will tend to believe that. If they were scared or worried about money, we will tend to believe that as well.